The Mind of a Stalker
Updated: Jun 13
You have heard people say, or have said it yourself, “I’m stalking so and so on social media.” Joking about stalking can be fun among friends, especially when it is clear that you are merely fabricating a tale. However, stalking really is no joking matter. Though each stalker is different in their approach, the goals are the same, and they want you to be vulnerable.
Statistically speaking, stalking affects at least 6.6 million people in the United States yearly. For every ten people who are being stalked, 3 of them report significant emotional and psychological issues.
What motivates a Stalker?
Stalkers pick their prey based on a variety of characteristics and physical attributes. They have a desire, and they meet someone who meets the criteria of that desire. Most stalkers will begin their harassment by either emailing or calling the person of their warped desires repeatedly. They will also stalk them on social media.
Many stalkers will escalate their advances because frequently, their initial contact is ineffective. Their advances start to be more intrusive, like spying or confronting their victims wherever, whenever. Most times, stalking begins at the end of a relationship, but not always. Sometimes, it is a fantasy.
Some of the factors that drive a stalker include:
Fantasy – The stalker blurs the truth by feeling a sense of entitlement. They believe the person they are fixated on, and they are destined to be together, and it is inevitable. Many become convinced that they are in a relationship with this person. Lee Truelove falls into this category. You can read about him in my entire Lee Truelove series.
Rejection – They have made advances on their prey in the past and were rejected. In the mind of the stalker, the rejection didn’t happen, and they become increasingly fixated on the person.
Obsession – Stalkers are often obsessive in many areas of their lives, including romance. They have a repetitive thought or belief that they play in their head like a broken record. Eventually, they become so obsessed with their target that they forgo work, forget to eat, or even sleep.
There are different ways a stalker will exhibit their desires. They may try to guilt you or invent situations that make you feel sorry for them. They may make promises that are empty or resort to blackmail. Usually, a stalker will play on your insecurities and make you feel less than worthy of respect. On the other hand, they will give you expensive gifts and elaborate ones that come with strings attached.
Characteristics of a Stalker
You won’t know who this person is. They could be your neighbour, your friend, co-worker, the sweet person you met at the store. The person who becomes a stalker is not definitive by some sort of outlandish behaviour. However, they do have some characteristics in common.
· They are jealous
· Many times, they have OCD (Obsessive-compulsive disorder)
· They fall intensely in love very quickly
· No is not an answer
· They like to have control over other people
· In their eyes, they are the victim
· Love and rage are interchangeable
· They cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality
You won’t always know who your stalker is right off the bat or what triggered them. However, if you believe someone is stalking you, get help. It isn’t fun to have someone invade your life without your say so. Not all stalkers live in the shadows like Lee Truelove.